Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
