I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
