she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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