did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
