sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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