Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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