He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
