no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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