Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
