i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
