so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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