y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
