it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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