My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
