Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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