WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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