It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
