I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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