College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
