She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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