well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
