kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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