i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
