This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
