She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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