Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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