i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
