omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
