ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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