I wish I only lived at night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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