she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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