omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
