My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just gift wrapped bread.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
