Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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