i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
