Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
