apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
3 2 1 whiskey
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
