im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
