I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
