I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
