Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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