We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
