remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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