This is not my ceiling
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
