Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
