i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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