God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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