I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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