Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
