If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
