ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
